By Nkiruka Nnorom & Matthew Johnson
Experts at the 2nd National Military Fathers’ Leadership Summit have warned that repeated deployments and prolonged absence of military men, who are fathers, are weakening homes in barracks across Nigeria, with direct consequences for children’s education, discipline and emotional well-being.
Held in Lagos on Thursday with the theme: “Military Fathers as Protectors: Strengthening Families, Securing Communities”, the summit brought together serving officers, spouses, educators and civil society groups to address what speakers described as a silent crisis in military households.
They need support, not just medals
Speaking, Founder\CEO, SheSafety and Health Initiative, Ambassador Mabel Abel-Onaiwu, called for greater attention to the emotional wellbeing, safety and emergency preparedness of men in the Armed Forces.
Onaiwu, who served in the military for over 12 years, said her experience exposed significant gaps in support systems for personnel and their families.
“Safety and security go hand in hand. Personnel are often expected to respond to emergencies, including fires, accidents and disasters, regardless of whether they have received adequate emergency-response training,” she said.
She noted that SheSafety had in the last two years trained more than 2,000 women in three major military barracks and police formations in Lagos as part of empowerment and safety projects.
The former soldier urged Nigerians to recognise serving personnel as living heroes whose sacrifices must be appreciated while they are alive.
“We don’t believe in be a man and then you slump and die. The worst thing that can happen to you is for you to drop dead because when you do, life continues, and we don’t want that for the men,” she said.
“The summit is an annual national event dedicated to celebrating and supporting men in the Armed Forces. We don’t want just the Armed Forces Remembrance Day, where the fallen heroes have been given flowers. We want these living heroes to also receive their flowers while they are here.”
Strength of the Army depends on families behind them
Lieutenant MJ Abdul-Kareem, who represented the Commander, 9 Brigade, Nigerian Army, Brig.-Gen. A.O. Owolabi, said military men, who are fathers face unique challenges because their duties often keep them away from home for long periods. “Providing for a child is important, but being available to listen, advise, encourage and guide the child is equally important. The Nigerian Army depends not only on the physical strength of its personnel, but also the strength, stability and support of the families behind them,” he said.
He urged fathers to focus on the legacy of values they leave for their children, stressing that ranks and appointments will fade but discipline and character endure.
12-point plan to rescue military families
Guest speaker and Dean, Faculty of Education, University of Lagos, Prof. Simeon Adebayo Oladipo, said Nigeria’s security and the well-being of military families are interdependent, not competing goals. He argued that a father who is well-supported at home is better positioned to protect the nation abroad, and that neglecting military children’s education and emotional welfare weakens national security infrastructure.
“The role of a military father involves a double burden of protecting the nation in uniform and protecting the household at home. And the second role is harder to see and rarely funded,” he said.
Citing Nigeria’s projected population of 242 million in 2026, Prof. Oladipo said any weakness in child upbringing is “multiplied across tens of millions of households before it is felt at the level of the nation.”
He said evidence from military communities shows deployment often leads to loneliness, poor supervision, disruptive schooling and, in some cases, rise in problematic behaviour among children, especially boys.
“When the father is deployed, our mothers begin to look here and there for the safety of the fathers. You never can tell whether they will go or return. That’s why it is a risk to the family. They surrender their lives for the security of the nation. We need to acknowledge it. It is our duty,” he said.
The professor added that frequent postings and relocations compound the problem, as children in military households often change schools, teachers and peer groups multiple times, affecting academic performance.
He, however, noted that most current support focuses on physical infrastructure, health and general welfare, with less attention to communication between schools and deployed fathers, and to counseling for children.
To bridge the gap, Prof. Oladipo proposed a 12-point rescue plan. He said that dedicated school-family communication structures should be established to enable deployed fathers to receive academic reports and send recorded messages to their children.
He also said that counseling and mentorship support systems should be built into military schools as a standing service, with special attention to adolescent boys and girls. “There should be predictability in postings in terms of frequency, notice and duration so that spouses and schools can plan ahead. A continuity protocol for military dependents should be introduced, including standardized transfer of academic records and priority placement in new schools.
Guaranteed communication access for deployed fathers should be treated as part of operational logistics, even in areas with poor connectivity,” he advised.
Prof. Oladipo said the remaining recommendations in the 12-point plan address data tracking, policy reforms and partnerships to ensure military children feel the benefits of their fathers’ service.
The first edition of the summit focused on the Nigerian Navy and provided a platform for personnel to openly discuss challenges affecting them and their families, organisers said.
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