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The transfer window isn’t an actual window, of course. In reality, it’s a large collection of different windows, with each club having one of their own, through which they peer longingly, occasionally flinging large quantities of cash money out of them like half-cut sailors on a ship coming into dock, and they’re all in various states of disrepair. For example, Tottenham have only recently prised theirs open – the previous occupant, Mr Levy, had deliberately painted over the seals – and all summer it’s been flapping in the breeze like the screen door of a haunted house. Manchester City meanwhile have removed the glass from their frames altogether, allowing the free movement of large expensive items safely through it in both directions. There are some officious-looking gentlemen with clipboards currently double-checking the structural integrity of that one. They say they’ll get back to us.
I see that after disappointing at Man City, Savinho changed his name to Sávio, and then scored on his debut for Spurs. In the hope that the same trick works for me, in terms of improving my strike rate in getting letters to Football Daily published, I’m changing my name to Noble Francis” – Phil Taverner.
One of my very favourite things in modern football is to see players for billion-dollar teams in billion-dollar stadiums ‘giving it large’ after scoring against lower-league opposition, following a humiliating loss in a derby game (yes, I know it’s Brentford, but it still counts as a derby) – Noble Francis.
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