Have you ever listened to someone speak and thought, “This person is a natural”?
Perhaps it was a lecturer who could explain a difficult idea so simply that everyone understood it. Or an executive who remained calm while answering a difficult question in a meeting. It could even have been a student who stood before a class and spoke with such confidence that you wondered where that confidence came from. We often describe such people as “naturals”. We say they have charisma. We say they have a gift for speaking.
But there is something we often fail to see: the work behind the confidence. The polished presentation may have taken hours of preparation. The confident answer may have followed years of speaking, making mistakes and learning from them. The lecturer who makes a difficult subject look simple may have spent years learning how to explain ideas clearly. Good communication may look effortless, but it is rarely effortless. The good news is that you do not have to be born a great communicator. You can become one.
What we mistake for natural talent
Some people certainly have qualities that make communication easier for them. They may be naturally outgoing. They may have grown up in environments where people discussed ideas freely. They may have had many opportunities to speak in public from an early age. But opportunity is not the same as talent, and confidence is not something that only a few people are born with. Think about someone who speaks confidently at meetings today. You may not know that, years ago, that person struggled to introduce themselves in front of a group. You may not know how many presentations they practised, how many mistakes they made or how many times they wished they had answered a question differently. We usually see the finished product. We do not see the practice. This is why calling someone a “natural” can sometimes be misleading. It makes communication seem like a gift that some people receive at birth and others do not. It is better to think of communication as a skill. And skills can be developed.
Feeling nervous does not Mean you cannot speak
One of the biggest misconceptions about good communication is that confident speakers do not get nervous. They do. Students become nervous before presentations. Researchers become nervous before defending their work. Professionals feel nervous when addressing senior executives. Even experienced speakers can feel their hearts beating faster before an important presentation. The difference is that experienced communicators learn how to work through the nervousness. They do not necessarily wait until they feel completely confident before speaking. They speak, learn from the experience and become more comfortable with time. This is important because many people are waiting for confidence to arrive before they begin. It usually does not work that way.
You often become confident by doing the thing you are afraid to do.
The first presentation may be uncomfortable. The second may be better. After several presentations, you begin to understand how to organise your thoughts, control your pace and respond to questions. That is how communication skills grow.
Five habits that can make you a better communicator
If good communication can be learned, where do you begin? Here are five habits worth developing.
1. Say Your Main Point Early
Many people take too long to get to the point. They begin with the background, explain what happened last week, describe the problem and give several examples before finally telling us what they want us to know. Do not make your listener work that hard. If you are making a recommendation, state it early. For example: “I recommend that we postpone the launch by two weeks so that we can address the two outstanding security concerns.”
Your listener now knows your main point. You can then provide the explanation and evidence. This applies to speaking and writing. Whether you are answering your lecturer’s question, writing an email to your manager or presenting a proposal to a client, help people understand your main point early.
2. Practise Out Loud
You may know exactly what you want to say in your head and still struggle when you open your mouth. That is because thinking and speaking are not the same thing.
One of the simplest ways to improve is to practise aloud. Read your presentation aloud. Explain your research aloud. Practise your opening statement. Record yourself on your phone and listen to the recording. You will quickly notice things you did not notice while reading silently. You may discover that a sentence is too long, a word is difficult to pronounce or an explanation does not sound as clear as it looked on the page. Do not practise only in your head. Your mouth needs practice too.
3. Learn to Pause
Many speakers are uncomfortable with silence.
The moment they need to think, they say “um”, “you know”, “actually” or another filler. Before long, these words become part of their speaking style. A pause is not a problem. In fact, a well-placed pause can make you sound more thoughtful and composed. When someone asks you a difficult question, you do not have to answer immediately. Take a moment. Think. Then respond. Silence can feel longer to the speaker than it does to the listener. So the next time you are searching for the right word, resist the temptation to fill every second with sound. Pause. Think. Then speak.
4. Listen to Your Audience
Good communication is not just about speaking well. It is also about noticing whether people are following you. Look at your audience. Are they confused? Are they losing interest? Are they leaning forward because something has caught their attention? Are they looking at one another because they do not understand what you mean? Pay attention. Sometimes the problem is not that your audience is unwilling to listen. It is that you have not explained the idea in a way that works for them. A good communicator adjusts.
You may need to give an example. You may need to slow down. You may need to replace a technical term with simpler language. Communication is not about showing people how much you know. It is about helping them understand what you know.
5. Learn How to Recover from Mistakes
You will make mistakes. You will forget a word. You will give the wrong figure. You will lose your train of thought. Someone may interrupt you while you are speaking. Do not let one mistake destroy the rest of your presentation. Correct yourself and continue.
You might say: “Let me correct that figure.” Or: “Let me put that another way.” Or simply:
“I lost my train of thought for a moment. Let me return to my main point.”
There is no need for a long apology. One mistake does not make you a poor communicator. What matters is how you handle it.
Communication Improves When You Pay Attention to Yourself
There is another important part of becoming a better communicator: self-awareness. Pay attention to how you speak. Do you rush when you are nervous? Do you speak too softly? Do you use the same words repeatedly? Do you avoid eye contact? Do you give too much information before making your point? Ask someone you trust for honest feedback. Record yourself speaking and listen to it. You may initially feel uncomfortable. That is normal. But you cannot improve what you refuse to notice.
The aim is not to become someone else. You do not need to copy the loudest person in the room. You do not need to develop a dramatic speaking style. You do not need to sound like a television presenter.You need to become clearer, more confident and more deliberate as yourself.
Build the Communicator You Want to Become
Perhaps the most encouraging thing about communication is that you are not stuck with the level of communication you have today. If you struggle with public speaking, practise. If your writing is often too long, learn to edit. If you speak too quickly, practise slowing down. If you struggle to organise your thoughts, start outlining your main point before you speak. If you are afraid of asking questions in meetings or classrooms, begin by asking one. Small improvements repeated over time can change the way you communicate.
The confident speaker you admire was not always that confident. The person who now speaks comfortably in meetings may once have dreaded being asked to contribute. The writer whose work appears effortless may have spent years learning how to cut unnecessary words. We see the confidence. We do not always see the practice that produced it. So, the next time you tell yourself, “I am just not a good speaker,” pause and reconsider. Perhaps you are not a good speaker yet. That is different. Communication is a skill. And like every worthwhile skill, it improves when you practise it. Do not wait until you feel completely ready. Start with one conversation. One presentation. One email. One question. One carefully chosen sentence. Then do it again. Great communicators are built, one deliberate practice at a time.
The post Great communicators are built, not born, by Ruth Oji appeared first on Vanguard News.