Femi Gbajabiamila: The Man I Didn’t Know
It was Segun Agbaje, the brilliant head honcho at GTCO, who said to me: “Do not take a position on a man you have never met.”
Well, I had never met Mr. “Gbaja,” the powerful Chief of Staff to the President, until that rainy Sunday morning in Lagos. Although we have mutual friends with one of them, “Oga Chike” vexing with me and saying “Forget you ever knew me” – when he calms down, I will go and beg him.
I had never officially met him beyond shaking his hands when the late Segun Awolowo brought him to see my play on Chief Obafemi Awolowo.
Well, this Sunday, we sat down in his beautiful living room and talked about all the issues I could be bold enough to raise. I was not afraid o, pata pata. He would not give me afang, which was an impossibility in the first place, being a strong-stew ladened Yoruba man, so I fired.
The talk went from Seyi Tinubu to the fake DG, his fight with his boy Desmond. “Edgar, that would have been the end of my leadership if he had won.”
We also discussed President Tinubu’s succession plan, his challenges as the first politician Chief of Staff and his own plans post-2027.
“I want to go teaching in a classroom after all of this. God has blessed me, and I am fulfilled. I have achieved the peak in my legislative career and have also achieved the highest that I can in the Executive, and I thank God for that.”
As he spoke,
I looked very closely at him. He was relaxed, engaging and harmless. He cut a sophisticated aristocratic look and didn’t look like he had “juju”. He took his time to explain things, chose his words very carefully – he had to; he was sitting with the Duke of Shomolu, the “werey” – and made his points as clearly as he could. After it all, we stood up, shook hands, took pictures and hugged.
You noticed that I have not given you the real gist of our meeting abi? Well, I was talking very informally and not sure if I would be betraying any trust by reporting verbatim and as “nobody sent me on the errand na”, I cannot come and be doing “tatafo” before the silver-bearded gentleman blocks me. Do you know how many babes have asked for my number since I released my picture with Gbaja?
You people should leave me o. If you want to hear the real gist, send THISDAY reporter to him; me na private visit o. Come and beat me.
MKO Abiola: The Contradiction Within
That was how I found myself within the main bowl of the renovated National Theatre. I had been invited by my brother Kola Abiola to come see the documentary on MKO Abiola, the winner of the June 12 elections.
Our President came with all the commotion that moves with him – over two hundred cars, APC colours all over the place, City Boy colours all over the place, his Son, Seyi in tow, Akpabio, the First Lady, so many traditional rulers and our Minister of Arts and Culture.
The minister is already priming for a post-service career in Nollywood as she unveiled her own mini documentary starring herself, which was beautifully rendered and well accepted.
The documentary itself was well done. Beautifully narrated and featured almost all the actors in that saga. From Dele Momodu, Humphrey Nwosu, the cowardly umpire, MKO himself, General Abdulsalami Abubakar, to the Americans who saw MKO die and a host of others, including President Tinubu starring as a fiery June 12 activist.
General Ibrahim Babangida was also featured. He looked sheepish and kinda ashamed of himself. Why he agreed to be interviewed, I am still asking myself in this Shomolu.
Anyways, the documentary showed the beauty of that exercise, the resolve of Nigerians to fight for their mandate, the treachery of Abacha and even MKO’s running mate who had gone ahead to receive an appointment from the same regime that refused them the actualisation of the mandate and the whole nine yards.
Where I was sitting, the contradiction of it all could not have missed me since I was not a bastard.
This documentary being watched by the highest echelon of a party that is holding us down was about the actualisation of an election that was deemed the freest and fairest ever, and they sat there watching with a straight face? When they have not been able, and will not be able, to replicate that “freest and fairest” that we were watching.
After it all, the indiscipline of it all shone through as the hordes of “party stalwarts” just stood up and walked away, even with the President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces still seated.
Outside, it was bedlam as soldiers, air force, navy, guguru defence, police, boys scout, Man O’ War, all were scrabbling to outdo themselves in crazy driving, with sirens blaring and all of that.
Me, an orphan from Shomolu, just hung on to barbed wire before they come and march me with their convoy – it is ‘sorry’ they will tell my family and life continues. Na wa.
Ogiame Atuwatse vs Asari Dokubo: A Pipeline of No Respect
I wrote something about Emir Sanusi and his robe and got a call – Edgar, it is not everything you joke with – was the voice on the other end. Me, fearing a fatwa, I begged and said sorry and immediately went into hiding.
I have come out again now to be joking with the highly revered Ogiame Atuwatse II, the Olu of Warri, who has been badly dragged by potbellied Asari Dokubo.
Asari, after eating whatever fish that gives him that portly, healthy look, took a pen, set up a camera and attacked my favourite traditional ruler – oh, he receives N2.7trillion (hope that is the figure) from pipeline security contract. He didn’t stop there. He called other names like Kalu and his brother Tompolo.
I really do not know why he was doing that, but he sha did it.
You see, I have seen Asari morph from whatever it was he was in the past to where he is now – a traditional ruler complete with all the “wahala” in terms of entourage, costumes and beads that come with that matter.
So, I am not surprised at his confidence to go after the suave King of the Itsekiris, who really does not like trouble and would not want to be distracted from his scooter-riding past time.
Well, the palace, through an aide, has come out to debunk Asari’s claim, stating that normally they will not exchange words with him, stopping short of calling him a “busybody”, but for the sake of public opinion and to safeguard the reputation of the palace, they are refuting the claim.
Well, if this continues, then we should prepare to ask both monarchs – that is, if you can call the other one a “monarch” to settle this thing through other means because, honestly, Nigerians really do not care about this issue.
We are blazed and just waiting for when the God that saved us from Abacha would come down and do the needful. Till then, how much is the price of a bag of garri now?
Ezekiel Adamu: Punching into Power
This my brother is arrow-heading the renaissance of boxing in our country. His celebrity boxing tournaments, headlining very serious fights, including title fights, are pulling in the crowd, pushing boxing back into its pride of place, impacting different sectors of the economy – hospitality, media, tourism, entertainment, infrastructure, to say a few and, much more importantly, youth engagement.
I was at the last one – Chaos in the Ring, which had Carter Efe, the very popular internet sensation and another popular figure, Speed Darlington, on top billing.
The Federal Palace Hotel venue was filled to the brim; I mean, to full capacity. Music, fashion, and so many things that I cannot mention in a family column like this were on full display.
The “serious” fights threw up major talents. The boxers fought with the discipline and seriousness of professionals. Some came from outside of the country, but the local-based pugilists gave their best.
I could not wait for the marquee fights, which were the aforementioned Carter Efe and Speed Darlington and the female equivalent – Phyna and kai; I have forgotten the name of the other one, but what I witnessed is enough to say a very big well done to Ezekiel.
Well done bro, you are curating power and influence with these fights, and very surely you will soon be called on the podium to get true national and international recognition for all these visioning and hard work.
Prof Anthony Kila: Waiting With Bated Breath
My friend and brother Professor Anthony Kila is under attack. A Premium Times exclusive has adjudged him a fake professor, and this has thrown a lot of “fear” into the academic and intellectual economy space.
Prof. Kila is a strong personality within these circles. He is well respected for his intellect and his positions. It is no wonder that he is a regular on TV analysing issues, among others. His brilliance has taken him to the Pro-Chancellorship of a major Nigerian university.
Premium Times and its researchers apparently see Professor Kila with another eye. They say he is not all that he says he is. They have labelled him ”fake,” and have said they are waiting for the response from the school prof “claims” to have attended on their enquiries.
Prof has issued a statement stating very clearly that he is who he is and has threatened court action. We have seen reports that his university has suspended him and that the ICPC is looking at the matter.
Prof Kila is a friend and brother. We have worked together on a project and continue to interact on various issues.
I placed a call to him during the week and asked – bro, what is happening? He laughed and wondered why he was being under this kind of scrutiny since he has never held a public position, aspired to any, or even held any such sensitive position. He assured me that he would “take them on a wild goose chase and after that, he will deliver the documents and all of this will end”.
This is where I stand for now. Let’s keep our fingers crossed and await a brilliant conclusion. Thank you
Prof Josh Amupitan: Urgent Reforms Needed
I first did not know what was going on as the television set caught my attention. One big baba with a very big potbelly was being escorted to the stage. He took the mic, and voila, that was the INEC Chairman about to make his presentation on his commission’s preparedness for the coming elections.
I quickly turned it off because when it comes to INEC, my position is very clear. It CANNOT umpire a free and fair election as presently structured and configured, even if Jesus comes down.
Later, reports that I gleaned showed him talking about reforms, removing his staff from the civil service structure, calling them the poorest paid and the rest.
My people, this INEC is the core of our challenges as a nation. If prim and proper leaders cannot pass through their structure, we will continue to have “sarewagba” leaders. Sorry, some of you are not Yoruba. Sarewagba means “run and come and take”, like when you say “kobo kobo” to mean anything goes.
That is the kind of leaders at all levels that INEC has been churning out since this republic started. The system cannot work; its structures are incompatible with integrity, and it will continue to be under the underlings of whoever appointed the leaders of the commission.
We can throw all the “AI” at it, throw all the technology on it and even appoint Bishop Okogie as Chairman; it will continue to be “garbage in, garbage out”. Yes, come and beat me.
The solution is to remarkably restructure the damn place. Make it very independent, entrench it in the constitution and get Nigerians to vote for the Chairman and its principal officers according to the requirements of the constitution.
As long as these people continue to be appointed by one person, the people will continue to be doing “anyhow” in their approach to their work.
Let us keep speaking good English and keep knocking our heads on the wall and wait for the wall to break… No confidence from me as far as this INEC is concerned. Make I just keep quiet and mind my business. Thank you.
Rauf Aregbesola: The True Meaning of Emilokan
When you have lost the number of elections this baba has lost and have been labelled the worst governor ever in his state and are also looking at the prospect of a sound-trouncing of his candidate in the coming elections, what would you do in his shoes?
You will take a chair, wear your best adire and become a philosopher cum teacher.
Baba, with his scraggy beard, sat under a tree and started lecturing us on the true meaning of “emilokan,” his former Oga’s war cry during the last election.
He took his time to explain that “emilokan” was a sign of despotism. He pronounced it so well in Yoruba and took us through the “do mi re” of the word.
By the time he was finished, we knew exactly what the word meant and the next thing, of what use was this lecture to us as harried as we are.
What I would like to tell him is if he has heard of that description of PDP at some point as being fingers of a leprous hand.
Oga, so losing out in whatever intrigue that got you out of APC does not in any way put you on a stronger pedestal with us, as you continue to be seen as an appendage of the same hand even though “whitlow” has “caught” your own finger. Pele egbon.
Rufai Oseni: Scales Falling Off the Eyes
It’s like my brother’s scales are falling off his eyes. I just saw a report where he is said to have told his “man” not to be talking if he did not have evidence. Me sef, I was weak when I saw the report in which Peter Obi was saying he has no evidence that he won the last elections, but that he won.
If he truly said that, then the man must be hallucinating.
His main man, Rufai, not being able to stand such a pedestrian statement, has come out, according to reports, to chastise him.
Me, I have nothing to say about this one, because my eyes have been opened since on this Peter Obi matter. The man is not the messiah and remains very far from the messianic push we need to save us from this pestilence that we face.
He is just wasting our time and not allowing us to concentrate on building a powerful bulwark in the opposition to go at Tinubu’s jugular.
If care is not taken, this is how this baba will block us till 2031. Be watching; you will all say, I said it. Thank you.
Seyi Tinubu: Breaking Protocol with a Smile
This is a first son with a difference, I tell you. I watched him very closely recently at the National Theatre. He sat behind his father, President Bola Tinubu, and his stepmother, the First Lady, directly behind the Senate President and he was at his “fidgeting best.”
He will stand up, shake someone, hug the other one, backslap another one, summon an assistant, give instructions, jump up, run to the left, come back, run to the right, sit down, jump up again, hail someone from far… Na wa.
Then I saw a footage of the arrival, and he was in between security, very close to the president, leading the way, clearing the road, like he was CSO in the midst of these. He is hailing admirers, calling out aides, giving instructions, hugging some and shaking others, all within 10 meters from the President.
Aburo, President Tinubu is our father ooo. Not only you be pikin again. Allow security men who are trained to do their work. God forbid anything happens; you will run away oooo. I am sure the security people whose job is to protect the president will not really be comfortable with all of this nau.
We know you love your papa and your papa loves you; we also need am alive to do all the things he says he will do. But please, let the security people do their work.
You can be in an advanced party, sit calmly ahead of him, and when he comes in, you shake him as protocol dictates and keep a safe distance from him.
The protocol professionals by now will be at their harassed best, trying to keep things flowing with all of this interference.
Jo aburo ma bi nu si me, calm down. Na beg I dey beg you, calm down.
Tosin Adefeko: A Damsel, a Professional and a Muted Troublemaker
Tosin is an internationally regarded PR expert. Her firm AT3 manages some very prominent international brands out of their Ikoyi office, and she very recently delivered the Podfest, which was adjudged the largest gathering of Podcasters in Africa for a huge festival.
It was her 50th during the week, and she celebrated it in faraway Dubai – at work o and as such, she has postponed all festivities till she comes back.
By the way, I am sure you will be asking which Adefeko? Because Ade, her husband, is truly an influential figure. Tosh, as we call her, is Ade Adefeko’s former charge d’ affair to Rwanda in Nigeria. Kai! I hope it is what they call that his title o. Anyway, I am wishing Tosh, my friend, partner and co-rabble rouser, a happy 50th. God bless you, aburo.