Relocating abroad is often talked about in terms of finding a home, adjusting to a new system and building a different kind of life. But for married couples, there is another part of relocation that is just as important: figuring out how to build that new life together. Every country has different cultures, which reflect in the dynamics of how relationships and marriages work. To understand whether cultural differences affect or influences how marriages work, in 2024, BellaNaija Features spoke to two Nigerian couples who got married in Nigeria but relocated abroad — Praise and Oluwaseyi, who relocated the Netherlands, and Oluwasanmi and Abigail who moved to the United Kingdom. We wanted to know what happens to marriage when a couple leaves behind the familiarity of home and begins again in a new country.
Their experiences were different. For Praise and Oluwaseyi, the adjustment came with financial changes, childcare challenges, the absence of extended family support and moments of strain in their marriage. Oluwasanmi and Abigail, on the other hand, found that relocating together strengthened their relationship, helped by the conversations they had before leaving Nigeria and their willingness to share responsibilities.
Both couples, however, spoke about the importance of communication, financial planning, patience, faith, compromise and approaching relocation as something they were navigating together. As conversations around relocation, marriage and building a life abroad continue to resonate with many Nigerians, we’re revisiting these two conversations to look at the realities behind starting over as a couple.
Praise & Oluwaseyi on Navigating Life As a Couple in the Netherlands
Praise and Oluwaseyi
Praise and Oluwaseyi got married in 2020 and relocated to the Netherlands with their young son in 2022. Their experience shows some of the less-discussed realities of moving abroad as a family, particularly when the support systems you had in Nigeria are no longer readily available.
Tell us about this impact relocation had on your marriage and one remarkable change you had to make
Praise: There was a particular moment a few months after our relocation when we found ourselves reevaluating our marriage and the state of our lives. We asked the big, tough questions. We were both on edge, engaging in frequent arguments and disagreements over trivial matters, overwhelmed by the challenges of starting all over again in a foreign land. The constant cycle of job interviews followed by numerous rejections, having to pay heavily for daycare so we could work, learning a new language, and having to spend two times our annual rent in Nigeria on rent monthly here weighed heavily on us. As though that was not enough, despite our decent earnings, we struggled to build any substantial savings.
However, we swiftly recognised the need to confront these difficulties head-on and, reminding ourselves how God had specifically chosen this place for us, was such a reassuring anchor during those tough times, which was a lot in the beginning.
Oluwaseyi: One remarkable change was that we placed more structure into our finances by assigning expenses to each other. For instance, rent and utilities are taken by one person while black tax and others are taken by the other.
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Oluwasanmi & Abigail on Navigating Life As a Couple in the UK
Oluwasanmi and Abigail
Oluwasanmi and Abigail got married in Nigeria in 2022 and relocated to the UK that same year. For them, the move came with its own adjustments, but the conversations they had before relocating helped them approach their new life with a shared understanding of their finances, responsibilities and expectations.
Tell us about one remarkable change you had to make in your relationship, Oluwasanmi
Oluwasanmi: The direct answer to this will be when we were preparing for our baby. At that time, I had to do most of the house chores. And because it was a time while we were moving home, I was combining getting things for the house, doing house chores and working. It was quite challenging, and to be honest, if we were in Nigeria, I would have many people to run some of the errands for us. Here, such help is not available, and even if it is, you will pay for it.
Did your new environment change your marriage in any way, Abigail?
Abigail: We have continued the exact way we ran our home in Nigeria. It works for us and we don’t intend to change it yet. This time, each person just has to put in a little more work
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Neither couple’s experience represents a universal blueprint for marriage abroad. Relocation affects couples differently, depending on their finances, careers, family circumstances and the realities of the country they move to. But their stories offer a glimpse into an aspect of migration that can sometimes get lost in conversations about “japa.”
The post What Happens to Marriage When Couples Japa? Nigerian Couples Share Their UK & Netherlands Experiences appeared first on BellaNaija - Showcasing Africa to the world. Read today!.