Baby-hungry single women are the reason some men are having the snip!

By Bunmi Sofola

A few months into a fledging relationship, divorcee Donald was in bed with attractive, much younger partner when she whispered a proposal that punctured the mood.  It wasn’t so much as actual demand as a loaded question that had Donald reconsidering the future – not only with her, but about his life in general.  Yes, the 52-year-old father-of-three was besotted with his flavour-of-the-moment.  “I was having the time of my life,” he admits, “but one thing was entirely out of the question – more children.”

So, when in the heat of the moment, his 30-something girlfriend asked whether they should use contraception or not, he found himself in a quandary that was later to result in rather drastic action.  “There was such a big question mark, at the end of the sentence,” recalled Donald.  “I didn’t doubt she’d make a fantastic mother, but that wasn’t what I wanted.”

While the couple did use contraception that night, things fizzled out months later.  According to Donald, “It was a coincidence that I went on to have a vasectomy shortly afterwards.  Luckily I was still abroad and could have it on the NHS, though it was performed at a private clinic.  I was very professional – I was in and out fairly quickly one lunch time without any complication afterwards.  Totally worth it for my peace of mind.”

As dramatic a reaction as that may seem, Donald still maintains it’s a prudent course of action, not just for himself, but for other divorced dads dating childless younger women.  He explains:  “On numerous occasions during my single life, women have casually asked about contraception.  You have to be careful because these are the ones looking for a man to father their children.  And they can be ruthless in their pursuit of that…”

Is this the bravado of a deluded middle-aged man?  Or the uncomfortable truth about dating as a divorced, evidently fertile male?  As a psychotherapist with 20 years of experience in couple counselling puts it: “I have discovered that men like Dan are far from the only middle-aged divorced father, choosing a vasectomy to safeguard their return to the dating market – to the extent that the most common age range for men undergoing the procedure is 41-45.

“There are several factors behind this – the high rate of marital breakdown, men fearful of being ‘tricked’ and single women in their 30s and now even 40s suddenly experiencing the all-encompassing desire to become mothers.  In some cases, they are becoming increasingly predatory about seeking ‘father material’.  Although convinced they didn’t want children while they built their careers, suddenly – bam! – their biological clock starts ticking.  It really can happen over-night.  They will do anything and everything to pursue this, even if it means duping a man into having unprotected sex,.

“Their targets, meanwhile, fear getting trapped in the wrong relationship, but also dread the financial implications of a new baby.  If you don’t have the wealth of ageing tycoons and celebrities, who have gone on to have second and even third families, then the impact on your life is going to be enormous.

After Donald’s experience with the first partner he had after his divorce from the mother of his two sons 12 years ago after 17 years of marriage, he became more forthcoming with subsequent girlfriend.  “Fortunately at first, I had a serious relationship for four years with someone who didn’t want children,” he says.  “I then had a one-year relationship before embarking on a couple of short-term ones.  The women were typically in their 30s.  If it looked as though we were going to sleep together, I always address the issue of children head on, explaining that my days of playing football every weekend with a toddler were long over.  There were a number of awkward situations with those interested in more than an amorous affair, but I’m someone who’s very careful.  I’ve never had unprotected sex.

“I’ve done the small children phase of my life and it isn’t something I’d want to do again.  It has upset some women and I appreciate that I’m being somewhat selfish.  But I remain loyal to my existing children.  I have two fantastic sons who are grown up now.  I have a great relationship with them.  I can’t imagine how they’d react if I told them that a little brother or sister was on the way.  Seven years after I had the vasectomy, I haven’t regretted it once.”

Immaculate Conception (Humour)

A mother took her daughter to the doctor’s.  “She’s been having strange symptoms”, said the mother.  The doctor examined the daughter carefully.  Then he announced: “Madam, I believe your daughter’s pregnant”.

“That’s impossible”, the mother gasped.  “Why, my little girl has nothing whatsoever to do with men, do you darling?”  “No, mummy, I’ve never so much as kissed a man”.  The doctor then looked from mother to daughter.  Then he walked to the window and stood there, staring out.  Finally, the mother asked: “Doctor, is something wrong?”

“No”, he replied.  “It’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East, so I was looking to see if there was another one”.

Mind Your Language (Humour)

A virile young Italian soldier is relaxing in his favourite bar in Rome, when he attracts a gorgeous, young blonde.  They go back to his apartment and make love.  Afterwards, the soldier says with a smile: “you finish?”  She frowns and replies: “No”.  Surprised, the young man reaches for the beautiful girl … and the love making resumes.  She seems to enjoy herself.  As the love making ends, the soldier asks smugly: “This time, you finish?”

She returns his smile and whispers contentedly: “No”.  Puzzled but determined, he reached for her again.  They make love once again until the exhausted man falls back, gasping.  Barely able to turn his head he asked: “So you finish?”  “No!”  She shouts back.  “Stop asking.  I no Finish, I Swedish”.

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