Laetitia Mugerwa: The Things and People Who Trigger You Might Be Revealing Something About You

Have you ever encountered someone who rubbed you the wrong way, even though they didn’t do anything wrong? Perhaps their confidence bothered you, their success made you feel uneasy, or their honesty seemed a bit too blunt. It’s tempting to believe the issue lies with them, but often that discomfort reflects your own feelings rather than their behaviour. Sometimes, it’s a prompt to look inward and examine your own reactions.

Everyone has a hidden side. This side comprises emotions we were told not to express, dreams we quietly set aside, insecurities we carefully hide, and qualities we learned to suppress because they didn’t align with the version of ourselves that society finds acceptable. Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung referred to this hidden aspect as the “shadow.” He didn’t label it as evil or dangerous; rather, he recognised that it exists outside the light of our conscious awareness.

From childhood, many of us start to collect bits of ourselves that we believe are unacceptable. We are told not to cry because it makes us appear weak. We are discouraged from expressing anger because “good people” are always calm. Some are taught that ambition is selfish, while others learn that vulnerability is something to conceal. These lessons are often passed down with good intentions, but they can lead us to believe that certain parts of who we are should remain hidden.

The truth, however, is that hidden emotions do not disappear. They simply wait.

They reveal themselves in unexpected moments: when we lose our temper over something trivial, when another person’s success feels strangely personal, or when we find ourselves repeating the same painful relationship patterns despite promising ourselves that this time will be different. We often blame bad luck, difficult people, or unfortunate circumstances, without realising that some of our deepest struggles begin within.

This is why self-awareness is such a powerful act. It allows us to pause before pointing fingers and ask a more difficult question: Why does this affect me so deeply?

The answer is rarely simple, but often transformative.

One of the most misunderstood aspects of the shadow is the assumption that it contains only our flaws. In reality, it also holds qualities we have never permitted ourselves to embrace. Some people hide their intelligence because they fear being labelled arrogant. Others suppress their creativity because they were taught it could never become a serious career. Some minimise their achievements to avoid making others uncomfortable, and others silence their opinions simply to keep the peace.

In this way, the shadow becomes a storage room for both our wounds and our potential.

This somewhat explains why certain people trigger us so deeply. The colleague whose confidence irritates us may be expressing a confidence we secretly wish we possessed. The friend whose achievements make us uncomfortable may remind us of dreams we quietly abandoned. While not every emotional reaction is a projection, some of our strongest reactions reveal more about our own unresolved struggles than about the people standing in front of us.

Today’s digital world makes this even more complicated. Social media encourages us to display polished versions of our lives while editing out uncertainty, failure, loneliness and self-doubt. We compare our ordinary moments to everyone else’s highlight reel, forgetting that behind every curated profile is another human being carrying fears they rarely share.

So, authenticity becomes an act of courage. Yet facing our shadow is not about exposing every insecurity to the world. Neither is it about becoming obsessed with our imperfections. It is about developing the honesty to recognise them without allowing them to define us. It is choosing curiosity over denial and compassion over shame.

When we start asking ourselves difficult questions, such as: “Why do I react this way?” “Why does this person’s success threaten me?” or “Why do I keep repeating this pattern?” we begin to change our perspective. It becomes about gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves so that we can respond differently. Anger transforms into valuable information instead of destructive energy. Fear becomes something to explore rather than something to conceal. Vulnerability turns into a source of connection instead of a cause for embarrassment.

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