Islamic scholars and counsellors in Ogun State have warned singles against entering marriage without preparation, saying most marital breakdowns start from ignorance and unrealistic expectations.
The warning came during a conference on Islamic Marital Reform in Abeokuta, where experts presented data from over 200 marital disputes handled by the Ogun Shariah Arbitration Committee since 2018.
The conference, which brought together Islamic scholars, legal practitioners, government officials, counsellors and married couples from across the country, was held under the theme, ‘Knowledge, Responsibility, Mercy and Justice in Building Healthy Homes’.
Dr Afiz Musa, Director of Mahdul Baseerah and a member of the Shariah Arbitration Committee, said the cases revealed recurring problems such as lack of mutual understanding, confusion over roles and couples waiting until problems escalate before seeking help.
Using anonymised cases, he explained how separating leadership from responsibility could create oppression within homes, while delayed intervention could allow manageable disagreements to develop into serious marital conflicts.
“Separating leadership from responsibility creates oppression in homes. Delayed intervention turns small disagreements into big conflicts,” he said.
Delivering the keynote address, Sulaimon Ogunmuyiwa, Director of Quality Assurance at the Lagos State Ministry of Education, said the strength of a marriage should not be measured by the absence of disagreements but by how couples handle and resolve them.
Ogunmuyiwa warned that couples who lack conflict-resolution skills could allow minor disagreements to escalate into prolonged silence, interference from third parties, and threats of divorce.
He urged intending couples to seek pre-marital counselling, saying adequate preparation could help them develop the understanding and skills required to build resilient families.
Also speaking at the conference which unveiled a program, ‘Certificate in Islamic Marriage and Pre-Marriage Studies, CIMPS’, Siddeeqah Tunde-Lawal, a Fellow of the Institute of Arbitrators and Conciliators, identified what she described as a “rights-only” approach to marriage as a challenge confronting Muslim families.
According to her, some spouses become highly conscious of what they are entitled to receive from their partners while paying insufficient attention to their own responsibilities.
She identified several misconceptions requiring correction, including the belief that knowing one’s rights is sufficient, that marital leadership amounts to dictatorship, and that counselling is only necessary when a marriage is already in crisis.
Speaking earlier, the Olowu of Owu Kingdom, Oba, Saka Matemilola, while declaring the conference open, commended the Ogun State Government for sustaining the Shariah arbitration system as a mechanism for promoting peace and resolving disputes among Muslim families.
The monarch, who was represented by Kamaldeen Akintunde, urged participants to move beyond discussions and implement the solutions presented at the conference, and assured that the state Muslim Council would work with the League of Imams to promote the welfare of Muslim families across the state.
At the end of the conference, delegates called for the integration of marital ethics into Islamic school curricula and the establishment of referral networks involving mental health professionals.
Most marriages collapse from unrealistic expectations – Islamic scholars